Ahhh, Mother’s Day…
I had a difficult time trying to decide on a status update for my Facebook account today. I was tempted to just say ‘happy mother’s day’ or ‘shout out to all of my mama friends’ or something along those lines. I couldn’t do it though. I was way too mindful of the fact that I have a number of friends whose mothers have died. It felt rude, on my part, to proclaim happiness on what is likely a rather painful and sad day. It reminded me of having to be careful about wishing someone Merry Christmas in the event that they may be Jewish or anything but Christian. At the same time, I didn’t really feel like mentioning dead mother’s in my wishes to my friends either.
It would have been easy to proclaim love towards my own mother. She barely does email though and isn’t anywhere near a Facebook page. It would be wasted words. I am so grateful for her presence in my life. There were certainly years that things were not cool, not one bit. There were a number of Mother’s Days that I sat and cried, unwilling to contact her and unable to reconcile our differences. This year, it was easy to pick up the phone and wish her well. I had remembered to send her a card too. I picked it out and mailed it a few days ago. It was a tad bit painful to hang out in Target and scan what felt like thousands of cards. I finally found one that simply had the word ‘love’ on the cover. I do love her. I am grateful for all that she has done for me. I am so happy that I can call her any given day and tell her what is going on and check in on her. It has only been in this last year or so too that I began to think about her dying before me. I have said many times that my best gift for my parents will be to outlive them. Hopefully, I will manage that. Hopefully too, I will have many more years before having that loss.
I need to be clear quickly that I don’t think there is anything wrong with the fact that some of my friends did post ‘happy mother’s day’ on their Facebook wall. I was able to read it and hear their good intentions.
I was just overwhelmed to some degree today with picking up on how the day potentially impacted any given friend of mine. Later on, I felt sad for one friend in particular who posted something along the lines of being willing to give anything if he could hug his mama today. I know of others though that didn’t post anything. I wonder if they had a difficult day.
I feel guilty that I didn’t call Christopher’s mom. It is too late at night now. I did think of her and send my love. I thought of a lot of my friends who are moms. I didn’t end up sending text messages or calling.
I think I was just a bit overwhelmed myself. I am overwhelmed in the good sense with the love I have with my mother and the relationship we have managed to develop. Beyond that though, being aware of the enormous loss that some have had with their mother’s death, and the tumultuous relationships that some of my friends still have with their mothers, it was just too much emotion for me to process today.
Oh, and I suppose the fact that I am involved with a mom now has changed things, enormously. I had already fallen in love with her well before realizing that the fact that she had a teenage daughter meant, in essence, that I am in the position of being a step-mom. And, if I can avoid the bigger topic any longer, can I just say that picking out a card for her was way trickier than I anticipated. I mean, the majority of the mother’s day cards say mom or mother or some variation. Nearly all of the rest say ‘to my wife’. Clearly, none of those would work. You would think that Hallmark or someone would recognize or assume that people just want to send a card to a friend even, if not a same-sex partner for crying out loud. Maybe not. I would have appreciated some more choices.
I don’t know what this whole step-mom title means yet, or is supposed to mean even. I was fortunate enough to have my bio-parents married, to this day still. I have never dated anyone with kids. I didn’t even really have close friends growing up with step-parents. My experience is limited. Once again, life has thrown me a curve ball. Good thing I enjoy a challenge.
Enough rambling… I love my mama and wish her the best every day. I am so very proud and grateful for all of my friends who are mamas and look forward to seeing their kids grow up. I wish for all of my friends who struggle with their relationships with their mamas, that they may feel their mother’s love despite the challenges. I am sending much love to all of my friends who have lost their mothers. Much love to all of my friends who have chosen to not have human children and, instead, treat their furry friends like kings and queens of the house.
Ahhh, mother’s day…