Why am I writing about a Catholic prayer you ask?
Why in the health category?
Spiritual health for sure… But it goes beyond that… And through that… And is that…
Why the Hail Mary?
Do I consider myself a practicing Catholic? Well, sort of… and sort of not…
I am more than a “C & E Catholic”, if you know what I mean. There are a number of aspects of Catholicism that I can appreciate on many levels.
That being said, the Church not allowing women to be priests and preaching that “the gays” are going to burn in hell put a real damper on buying in to the whole thing over time. I admit that more than that has stopped me over the years from devoting myself completely to the religion.
But I do attend Mass fairly regularly again, since January of this year. Granted, I found a Catholic Church that is really open and honest about accepting all people, not judging others and accepting everyone where they are at. I love it that I can still have some of the ritual of prayer and Sacraments, the community of familiar faces meeting regularly, the singing… and that I can feel accepted there…
But whether I am a “practicing Catholic” or not… a “devoted Catholic” or not… I love the Hail Mary prayer. Despite the fact that it is a prayer that I was “forced” to say on numerous occasions growing up, it has always been a prayer I default to in times of stress, fear etc – whether I was at the time involved in the church or in love with the church or in hate with the church – the Hail Mary prayer has always brought a sense of safety and healing my way. I have already written about this prayer once on this website. It is called “non-winning essay (What Would…)” and is in the Wollner’s Writing category.
More recently though… I have added another layer, so to speak, to my fondness of this prayer…
I think the idea of having the prayer tattooed on my body somewhere popped into my head years ago actually. It was earlier this year that I decided it really needed to happen. It was a few months ago when I ran into my tattoo artist at the local co-op. She suggested I get it in my mother’s handwriting. Brilliant. I had been playing around with different font ideas and was unable to make up my mind and “know” what was going to be best. Until that moment.
And so, the plan was set… I saw my mother soon after that at a family reunion in July. Bare in mind that I have never been “out” about having tattoos to my parents. I have worn long sleeves around them for years now. I have not noticed tattoos on my relatives prior to this event and took advantage of the fact that one of my uncles walked by and was sportin’ some ink on his ankle area. I asked my mother about it and took the opportunity to bring up my idea.
“I want to get a tattoo and I need your help.”
There was a pause. And then “What do you mean? Do you need me to help you decide what?”
“No, I want to tattoo the Hail Mary on my arm and I want it to be in your handwriting.”
She agreed. She started to write it out that day but we decided it best to look it up and make sure we had it “official”. My parents visited me for a weekend and my mother brought a prayer book and wrote out the prayer in two different paragraph forms (not knowing which way would fit best on my arm). I was thrilled.
I got the actual tattoo on September 15th. It is on the inside of my left arm. It was sharper and more painful than other tattoos of mine. I imagine that this is true not only to the more sensitive area on my body physically, but also, the intensity and history behind the prayer and its meaning in my life.
I am looking forward to my mother seeing it. It is a wonderful calming, healing reminder to me on a daily basis to breathe and be quiet, ask for help, and trust that I am not alone. And, it is simply fascinating to recognize my mother’s handwriting – right there on my body…